The family home is more than just bricks and mortar. It is a symbol of your life together, any children you may have had or raised there, the art you put on the wall as a holiday souvenir, the sofa you bought after that red wine spill of Christmas merriment. Often there are memories of happier times and relics of a former life. 

So, one of the hardest questions many face is, should you retain it when your marriage breaks down? 

Alas it’s not as simple as that. There are many things to consider that make this much more than a simple yes or no. 

If the divorce settlement means you don’t have to sell, it’s worth giving considerable thought to what you want from the marital home. 

The first hurdle you should consider is the obvious financial one. Can you realistically afford the mortgage, taxes, insurance and the upkeep without a second salary contributing to these expenses? 

If it’s a straight up yes to the first question, the next is when it becomes about you. Do you want to live there? Surrounded by all the people and the stuff you collectively accumulated over the years being together. Downsizing can be seen as a set of boundaries, ones that you dictate the rules in what stays, and what goes. The house, the ‘stuff’, and the baggage. 

Reflect now, and ask yourself: Where am I at? Would I just rather clean it out and start over?

There are many benefits to downsizing:

1. Liquidity

Selling the family home which is often the largest asset will free up some finance for both parties. You can use this towards your new place, a vacation, a new-life splurge, or even just to have some savings for a rainy day. 

Before you go headfirst on a shopping spree, you may have to settle your debts first. Consider the expenses you incurred to get divorced such as legal fees or any loans in joint names. 

Be mindful that if your ex earned a lot more than you, going from a two-income household to one will mean some changes. Sit down, balance the books, and establish how cautious you need to be about spending money, before you spend it!  

2. Mindset

Divorce can be a catalyst for good things, and the end of a marriage presents an opportunity for starting anew. 

While the term downsizing relates to the physical home, reducing from a 4-bed family home in the ‘burbs, to a 2 bed-flat in the city centre. It also relates to the downsizing of your state of mind. See it as an opportunity to free yourself from the emotional, physical, and spiritual baggage you amassed throughout the marriage, and move forward with grace and style.

Checking your mindset before you make a decision is a good place to start as you begin to chart the course to your future. A fresh start will require a significant shift in your mindset to be able to adjust to your new life as a single and free spirit. 

Moving to a growth mindset isn’t easy, so consider using a coach to support you and enable you to let go of reminders of a marriage that didn’t work out. 

3. Personal Growth

If the lawyers are dragging their feet through the proceedings, you might feel the need to be productive while waiting for filings and court dates. 

Utilise this otherwise deadtime to reclaim your identity and strength.

If you’re feeling hemmed in by ‘stuff’ in the marital home, it might be time to declutter.

Consider what your new life will look like. Will you have the same lifestyle (and need the same things) that you did when you were married? Will you have the same furniture and pictures on the wall? More than likely the answer to both of these questions is no. 

The easiest place to start decluttering is by looking in cupboards, boxes, the garage, attic, shed, or storage unit for items that gather dust.

Think long and hard if you will need the fancy china, the tablecloths for the table you won’t be taking, linens for the guest room you won’t have, books you don’t, and won’t, read. Hoarding every piece of your children's art, school work, memories from their youth might seem nice, but isn’t it better to pick some treasured items to keep and pass down?

You may need to be fiercely Marie Kondo about it and ask yourself ‘does this item spark joy?’. If it’s a no, then away it goes. 

If your ex doesn’t want it, try to rehome, sell, or donate items rather than throwing them away. Your marriage might be in the bin but your unwanted goods don't need to be. 

By tackling the clutter early on, you will be more agile to move when the time comes, meaning you can move on with a lighter, more manageable, amount of “stuff”. Another bonus is the financial one. - The less you move, the less it costs. 

Are you ready to start letting go and lightening your load? I’m currently taking on new clients so set up a complimentary discovery session to discover how I can help you move on with a de-cluttered mindset and embrace your new life.