Happily ever after: Dating online, a guide for older women
The digital disruption of dating apps has dominated the search for love in the last two decades.
Those actively looking to start a new chapter in their lives and reentering the dating pool after a hiatus start may be apprehensive about the concept.
Dating can be daunting as much as it is exciting. Dating online is probably unlike any other dating experience you’ve ever had before.
For better or worse, the rules and social norms governing dating, courtship, relationships, marriage, have significantly changed.
But don’t be fooled. One great myth about online dating is that it’s a young person’s game. It’s not. It’s anyone’s game, you just need to learn the rules to play.
Much like learning a new language, dating online has its own nuances and a fresh set of challenges; swipe left or swipe right? What is catfishing? How to stay safe avoid unsolicited sexual photos? What is ghosting?
So, how do you date in the social media age?
It can be overwhelming, scary, exciting and nerve-racking. Tie these emotions together with a significant break in the dating world and you’re bound to feel some hesitation about grappling with the challenges and opportunities of finding love.
What choice do you have? Eke out your existence, or reinvent yourself for love online?
Keeping these questions and concerns in mind while making your way back into the dating world will help you get started in the right direction, and help you stay safe online.
Recognising that you’re not the same person you were when you found your last love. You’ve grown, and your priorities have probably changed. The concept of a romantic relationship has a different meaning at this stage of life.
But when everyone is paired up, meeting a potential partner through their circles of friends and social gatherings becomes a bit harder. The one thing dating experts agree on is that those reentering the dating world need to be flexible and to expect the unexpected.
Meeting a new love online
A good place to start with online dating is via an app on a smartphone.
Most apps rely on a freemium model, where you can download the app and use the core features for free, and charge users to access premium features on either a subscription or a fee basis.
Online dating is algorithmic matchmaking. Most apps ask you a series of questions or require you to list preferences, the answers of which are assessed by an algorithm and used to pair you to potential partners.
It might feel like you’re telling the app your private information, but these questions form the basis of potential matches by finding compatible personality traits, values, and common interests.
It’s best to start slowly. Take your time, go with the flow, get a feel for how things are going to go, and learn the basics about how to stay safe online.
Where to start with dating apps
There are many dating apps to choose from. Some apps target specific demographics such as age, location, or orientation.
Here are some of the most popular dating apps in UK:
Tinder
eHarmony
Plenty of Fish
Match.com
Hinge
Bumble
For Baby Boomers and seeking love you will likely find more people of a similar age on sites like Match, eHarmony, Silversingles rather than Tinder whose 75 million monthly active users is made up of 60% under 34, and 75% male.
Tips for Avoiding Online Dating Scams
Ever heard the expression, if something seems too good to be true, it usually is? The same goes for online dating profiles.
It can be tricky to strike a balance between being transparent about who you are, and protecting your identity.
To avoid the prospect of being scammed by fraudsters, there are some things to look out for in dating profiles:
A profile has limited photos, or they won’t send pictures
They ask you for money
Vague answers on their profile, or their stories and background aren't matching up
Conversations seem automated
They are flirty from the outset, or say I Love You within days
If you’re in doubt about the legitimacy of a profile simply end the conversation and stop engaging with them. You can also report fake profiles to the app.
Do not give them money.
Be aware of Phishing
Essentially phishing is an attempt at identity theft.
A fraudster will seek to obtain personal information from you in order to open up new accounts in your name or make purchases using your personal details without your knowledge or consent.
Scammers aim for specific information such as:
Credit card and banking information
Passwords
NI number
Full name
Address (past or present)
Your mother’s maiden name
Be aware of any encounters that are asking you for such information.
Meeting a new love offline
Looking for love online is the obvious choice. With unlimited options, geography need not be the first hurdle you face in the online dating world. You can log on and off as you wish, and meet like minded people at your own pace.
However if online dating isn’t for you. All is not lost.
Gone are the days of a personal ad in the local newspaper, however an online equivalent does exist with the same air of mystery. Here are some examples of actual online classified ads:
Another option to meet a partner would be in-person networking.
I don’t mean heading to the local bar or pub for a round of speed-dating. Rather, joining interest groups with like minded individuals with an interest in:
Arts & Crafts
Cards - Bridge, Canasta
Games - Chess, Backgammon, Scrabble, Go
Coffee morning
Photography
Quizzes
Dancing
Exercise - Hiking, Rambling, Cycling
Book clubs
Meet-up is a great place to start when looking for such groups.
However you choose to start returning into the dating sphere, I can only say, go for it!
Not Ready Yet?
Consider discussing your circumstances and hesitations with a coach, such as myself. I can work with you to find a way to move forward towards independence and a new love.