Should I Stay or Should I Go?

According to recent divorce statistics, 42 per cent of UK marriages end in divorce. Last year, the divorce rate fell to 7.5 per 1,000 married men and women (the previous year being 8.4). There are many factors to feeling uncertain about your marriage. There are so many things that contribute to people not knowing whether to stay in their marriage or leave their partner. It is important to note that legal advice might need to be sought if you are dealing with issues such as abuse and safety; infidelity and children.

The feeling of being ‘on the fence’ about your relationship is not uncommon. Sometimes bigger issues are to blame for a marriage coming to an end - other times, it is simply the moment to call time on a relationship. Circumstances change and so do people. Jobs, financial situations - things that are outside of our control may affect the quality of a marriage and, of course, people’s behaviour changes as well. You need to make sure that, over time, you both are growing and changing together, rather than growing apart and becoming isolated from one another.

Many suffer from having unrealistic expectations of their marriage. Many people nowadays want a wedding but have not thought through what it truly means to be married, to be committed to another person full-time. If your partner’s job keeps them away from home constantly and you knew this before entering into the marriage, expecting them to be present 24/7 would be unrealistic, no matter how hard it is in the heart and mind.

Immediate warning signs are less communication with each other; this can be through calls and texts as well as actual conversations. Not having things in common, like you once did, or not participating in activities and outings as much together is another red flag. These issues are ones which are not dramatic at all; they are similar things that do, unfortunately, happen to some couples. You simply change as people and as much as you might love one another, there could be something missing that makes you uncertain about the fate of your marriage.

Deciding to separate is a huge decision and opting for a divorce is an even bigger commitment. It is key to have time time to gather your thoughts. Taking some time to think deeper into what the problems you are your partner are facing is crucial in realising whether they can be fixed or not.

It is healthy to think to yourselves about why you are with your partner and what life would be like without that person with whom you’re used to sharing a life. At the end of the day, it is a personal decision and no one can make it other than you and your partner. Speaking to a relationship or marriage counsellor or, indeed, a divorce coach could help you iron out some of your issues. It could also, ultimately, help you figure out whether your issues can be overcome or whether they are too strong a factor within your marriage or relationship. Either way, sitting on the fence is not something you should do for too long. Whatever decision you make, there will be eventual relief when you come to it.