This year in the UK we have entered a wave of public ‘menopause awareness’, with a Channel 4 documentary, national campaigns and even a parliamentary bill working its way through the House of Commons. This attention is long overdue, with menopause being something that will affect all women, one way or another, when they reach the menopause years.
What does the menopause mean?
The menopause is essentially a time of emotional changes for women as their bodies’ hormone levels adapt. Key hormones such as oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone levels significantly drop as women move out of their child-bearing phase into a new phase. Symptoms of menopause can range from heart palpitations to hot flushes, vaginal pain, anxiety and depression. Some symptoms arrive before the menopause has actually taken place (peri-menopause), and this can take women unawares. Sadly, for a long time many of these symptoms have been misdiagnosed by GP’s, with high numbers of anti-depressants being prescribed where Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) should have been the go-to.
Is there a link between menopause and divorce?
There’s no doubt that going through the menopause can have a significant effect on one’s relationships. Bev Thorogood, author of ‘The Business of Menopause’ describes it thus:
‘As peri-menopause kicks in we begin to wonder if we’re losing our minds. Our relationships can suffer as our energy drops, our confidence wanes, we no longer feel as sexy and physical changes can make intimacy uncomfortable.’
Not knowing how or why these changes have come about can lead to relationship problems. Recent research from the Independent and Stowe Family Law found 65 per cent of women say being menopausal has impacted their marriage. Almost half believed that their relationship could have been rescued if there had been better help for those struggling with symptoms of menopause.
Providing help to women going through the menopause is something that Dr Louise Newson of the Menopause Clinic has made her mission. Help is available, through hormone treatments and lifestyle changes, but all of this can only come from better awareness.
Many of the symptoms of menopause are missed, says Dr Newson: ‘It’s easy to make excuses for the symptoms – age, tiredness, the kids, empty nest syndrome, your elderly parents that you’re having to take care of’.
Not understanding where the symptoms are coming from, and that they are hormonal rather than situational, causes them to be overlooked. Or combining them with a busy mid-life, can lead to a double whammy of overload, resulting in pressures that spill over into relationships.
Communication is key
We are often told that communication is key, and this is easy to say but not so easy to do. Menopause has traditionally been something that was not talked about, and had a stigma attached to it. Some also don’t recognize the symptoms and feel it is them and their feelings about the relationship that are changing.
Dr Newson says: 'Everything changes when you go through the menopause, both physically and emotionally, and it can feel like it's ruining your life – so communication can frankly feel at the very bottom of your list,' she explains.
OK, so you're coming up to a potentially tricky part of your life, but the good news is you – and your partner – can weave your way through it with some clever tactics. What's more, your relationship could be stronger for it.’
How can I help?
As a Divorce Coach my role is to support people who think they want to get divorced into exploring the reasons and if divorce really is the right solution. In our sessions we take the time to explore what’s really going on, and if I believe you need referring on to another specialist, that’s what we’ll do.
Get additional support
Fortunately, with spotlight that has been on menopause in recent times, there’s an ever-increasing amount of support available: