Janette Brooker

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Is your divorce impacting your work?

Research has found that divorce ranks number two in the stress inventory, a list that ranks the stressors likely to happen in a person’s lifetime.

With death, divorce, and separation taking the top three spots on the list, it’s not surprising to learn that the end of a relationship will affect you in a variety of ways, including your performance at work.

Workplaces can be oblivious to the trauma occurring in the private lives of their staff.  What employers do notice is a reduction in engagement and performance, an increase in absenteeism, and displays of out-of-character behaviour such as hostility or quarrelling with coworkers. 

Marriage, divorce, and our human needs 

In 1943, an American psychologist, Abraham Maslow, established the five tiers of human needs, often arranged as levels within a pyramid. These core foundations include basics such as food and air, alongside security, belonging, health, and love. 

As humans we need to meet our psychological need for safety. We find community, partners, and family in which to feel safe, and these provide comfort, protection, and intimacy. When these basic needs aren’t met, or one of these is out of sync, as in cases of divorce, we lose the feeling of security and become pushy, aggressive, and fear-based. These are problematic characteristics in the modern workplace.  

Divorce at work

The workplace is a delicate ecosystem. One that relies on happy and motivated workers to get the best results and meet desired targets.  

Periods of high stress, or when a human need is out of sync, can heighten emotions, impacting you in a variety of ways. 

If you've experienced a bad breakup, you will recall the struggle to maintain the happy motivated worker persona. The stress and trauma of a relationship breakdown can resemble a dark cloud that won’t go away, following you to the office alongside an air of hostility and combative behaviour which can prove perilous to those around you. 

Underperforming staff 

You might think that one colleague going through a divorce may not seem significant. 

But let me tell you, it is significant. 

Distracted by heartbreak and emotionally drained, the majority of people navigating a divorce will disconnect from their job. As a result, their engagement and performance will decline. 

While you might be inclined to think the impact stops there, it doesn’t, because distraction breeds inefficiency.

The business is impacted when the hostility and disengagement of one worker has a knock-on effect on team dynamics which can create a negative work environment. When a team’s dynamic changes, the team needs time to adjust. And when it doesn’t, the ability to achieve its goals and targets is impacted.  

Absenteeism

The PPA conducted a study which showed that 9 out of 10 employees said their work was adversely affected when they went through divorce. Less than half of those said they took time off during their separation. Suffice to say, that’s a lot of people still working and distracted while navigating trauma like a divorce. 

Stress, anxiety, depression, and grief are felt by most people going through a divorce. These powerful emotions that can affect not just your mental health, but your physical wellbeing too. If ignored, these feelings can exacerbate and result in increased absenteeism, something that can create challenges for both you and your employer.

If you can, it’s important to speak to your manager about your circumstances. Whether it’s for legal or personal reasons, time off will be needed, and you may need some flexibility in your schedule. 

Be kind to yourself and grant yourself the time off to clear your head, as well as seeking the assistance of a divorce coach. Both are necessary for a healthy recovery. 

Are you distracted at work because of your divorce? 

Perhaps you’re losing patience with colleagues, becoming hostile, and have a lower tolerance when collaborating. If this resonates with you, you may need some help in navigating your circumstances. 

It’s important to firstly recognise there is a problem. Then you need to take the steps to adjust. 

You may need to take some time off such as a leave of absence, or use some of your holiday allowance. Your employer may have an Employee Assistance Program where you can turn for advice, or book a call with me and get the support you need today.