How to manage depression during your divorce
Even when you know divorce is the right thing to do, it can still take a toll on your mental health. Here’s how to manage depression during and after your divorce.
Research has found that divorce is the second most stressful event that can happen in a person’s lifetime. The loss of a partner, your expectations for the future, your finances, your home and your sense of security can all be rocked when you decide to split. Even if your divorce is amicable and straightforward.
You might not realise you’re depressed, because the symptoms can be subtle. But here are some early warning signs that you might be slipping into depression.
Feeling overwhelmed
You might feel daunted by the smallest things. For example, have you started putting off thinking about your divorce because it suddenly feels too complicated? Do you wish you could wake up and everything would have been finalised?
Inability to concentrate, or forgetfulness
Depression can cause brain fog – a lack of concentration or focus. You might forget paperwork, or not return calls to your solicitor. You might also find yourself slipping up at work or making mistakes.
Lack of self-care
A loss of interest in how you look can also be a sign of depression. You might stop looking after your hair or skin, skip brushing your teeth, or just reach for the nearest clothes when you wake up.
Aches and pains
Physical niggles can be a sign of depression too, like back ache, heavy legs, or headaches. Some people describe depression feeling like a lump in their chest that never goes away.
Irritability and mood swings
Divorce is stressful; you’re not going to sail through it cheerfully. But if you experience wild swings in mood – like sudden bursts of anger or crying jags – you might be depressed.
If you notice any of these symptoms, it’s best to tackle them straight away. Depression doesn’t usually go away by itself, you have to take action. Here are some ways you can stop your mood sliding down any further.
How to cope with divorce depression
Never try to go through depression alone. Even if you can’t confide in family or friends, there is always someone to listen and support you. Contact your GP and ask for an emergency appointment, or ring the NHS on 111 to find your nearest mental health crisis team. If you feel suicidal, you can call the Samaritans 24 hours a day on 116123. If you’d rather text, then contact the Shout Crisis Text Line by texting SHOUT to 85258.
Create a support network
Find a local support group where you can discuss the divorce with other people experiencing the same things. Divorce Recovery Workshop are a UK Charity who run local support groups and residential workshops. Don’t be afraid to lean on your closest friends and family too. Tell them whether you want advice or just a safe space to vent or cry.
Exercise
Just 20 minutes of exercise a day has been shown to reduce depression, so get your trainers on. Other research found that being outdoors in nature significantly improved people’s mood. So if you can go for a walk through leafy green areas, that’ll help.
Beat the brain fog
You’re going to be forgetful and scatty as you go through such a stressful experience, so keep a simple daily To Do list. This is not the time to attempt to run a marathon or write a novel! Instead, focus on little things like making your bed and brushing your teeth that’ll help you feel grounded and calm. Create a folder for the divorce paperwork so it’s safely in one place, and ask your employer if you need time off or extra help at work.
Have something to look forward to
Your life will be different after the divorce. While there will be loss, you will also find things to celebrate. Think about some positive changes you can make when the divorce is finalised. Can you move house? Go on holiday with a friend? Decorate your home exactly as you want to? Start keeping a list of reasons to be happy or create a vision board where you stick up images that represent your brand-new life.
Hire a divorce coach
If you’d like a helping hand through your divorce, you can work with a divorce coach -- like me. I’m fully trained by the CDC to guide you through your divorce swiftly and smoothly, and to help you on the way to a happier future. I understand everything you’re feeling, because I felt it too when I went through my own divorce. Since then, I’ve helped dozens of people get through the process as painlessly as possible, and to start again, stronger. To learn how I can help you, book a free discovery call and find your freedom.