This is a huge subject with many factors but we are going to focus on how and when to tell your children their parents have decided to separate. No child will take it easily; ultimately you are the reason the family is breaking apart, in their eyes. However, it is not a selfish decision as the reason for your decision to separate would eventually affect your children so, often, making the decision to divorce is the kinder act.

As much as it is a difficult thing to tell your children, the sooner you do it, the better. Not only will it help the whole family deal with the decision of divorce faster and better, it will also remove any chance of the children hearing the news from anyone other than Mum and Dad. Telling them of your decision together is important as it shows that this is a mutual decision and once that you are both set on fulfilling. Although time is of the essence, it is imperative that you both have a plan and your story straight before talking with your children. Who is moving out is important information to be able to give them, as well as knowing how you plan on dividing your time spent with them. It is also important to be able to give them a reason for ‘Mummy and Daddy not living together anymore’; the amount of detail you go into depends on their age and is, ultimately, your choice.

For younger children, aged two to five years, the simpler the explanation, the better. They won’t be able to fully grasp an understanding of the situation so will just need immediate facts; that their parents won’t be living together anymore. For slightly older children (aged between five and 10), more details can be shared with them, particularly if you have only made the decision to separate. If this is the case, it is important to make the children aware of the worse case scenario but also that that is not what is happening at this moment in time. If you’re breaking the news to adolescents, just be frank about the matter and state that you need time apart, you want to stop fighting and that this is the best decision for everyone.

It is always harder when children are involved; some can act out from feeling abandoned or alienated from one or both parents. The most important thing is to maintain ensuring that your children know that they are a priority in both of your lives, even though the two of you might no longer be a priority to each other.