If you feel just one John Lewis advert away from a breakdown, here are my best tips to manage the festive season when you’re going through a divorce.

 1. Ramp up your self-care

A survey conducted by YouGov discovered that 51% of women feel stressed in the run-up to Christmas (compared to an annoyingly chilled-out 35% of men). When we’re stressed, our body’s levels of Cortisol (the “fight or flight” hormone) rise, leaving us less able to cope with pressure. My best tip for balancing your mood is self-care and lots of it. Buy yourself a beauty advent calendar or let the kids decorate the tree while you soak in the bath. Eat calming festive foods like turkey, salads, wholemeal bread and eggs, go for walks, and fill your Christmas list with feel-good gifts like a voucher for a massage or spa day. 

2. Start a new tradition

You might not see your children every Christmas Day from now on or have anyone to kiss under the mistletoe. But, divorce is also a new beginning. A symbolic way to look to the future is to create a brand-new Christmas tradition. These could be as small as buying a new bauble for the tree, cooking lamb instead of turkey, or going to the cinema on Christmas Eve. New activities release dopamine in our brains that helps lift our mood.

 3. Don’t compare yourself to other couples

Christmas is traditionally a family holiday. So don’t be surprised when you suddenly see happy couples everywhere you look. They’ll be on your social-media feeds in matching reindeer pyjamas, wandering hand-in-hand through your local high street, or ruining your favourite festive films. It’s tempting to compare yourself to them, but don’t. Christmas puts a huge strain on relationships, and there are more divorce petitions filed in January than any other month. Even Google searches for divorce terms rise by 25% over the Christmas period. If you feel bleak, talk to friends who understand. Or reach out to a divorce coach like me, who can give you personalised strategies to keep your Christmas spirits up.

 4. Pause the proceedings

It may help to put a strict two-week pause on proceedings over Christmas. Instead of trying to book stressful legal appointments into a calendar already overflowing with office parties, Nativity plays and shopping, take time to focus on the other, more relaxing, parts of your life. It’ll be easier to see your ex-partner when you’re not actively thrashing out the settlement, and the break will give you time to think about what really matters to you. Then in January, you can act with increased focus and balance.

5. Create a symbolic New Year’s Eve

 The start of a new year is always a time to look to the future. Make sure you mark this New Year as the first step towards your brand new life. Try creating a vision board, where you pin up images of everything you’d like to attract next year. Buy a 2023 diary and fill it with plans and dreams. Set ambitions and goals for work, family and friendships. And when Big Ben strikes midnight, think about where you hope to be this time next year. Divorce can be the catalyst to creating a life that you love every day.

Be it before or after the festive period, if you’re in need of someone to help you work through your divorce, book a discovery call with me and find your freedom.