Do you find yourself with a dependence on validation and support from another? 

Perhaps you define your sense of worth through the approval and love of others? 

If so, you might be in a codependent relationship.

Codependency was initially used to denote the challenges experienced by the partners and children, of individuals significantly affected by addiction, be it alcohol, drugs, sex, or gambling.

However, a codependent relationship is not exclusively addiction related, and the dynamic, and severity can vary.

A codependent relationship can exist in dynamics between:

• parent/child

• siblings

• friends

• spouses/partners 

• boss/coworker

Essentially, any intimate relationship has the potential to become codependent where one party has an unhealthy attachment to another. 

Codependency often arises in couples when one person cannot recognise their own worth independent of others' love, and/or validation. 

Identifying if you're in a codependent relationship

Recognising you're in a codependent relationship can be difficult especially when you feel initially comfortable, and content, but when you are dependent on another for your sense of worth, that's when trouble arises. 

Because the reality is, codependency is unhealthy and unsustainable.

A codependent relationship occurs when each partner avoids responsibility for themselves. 

While these roles aren't permanently defined, and can switch from one issue to another, individuals typically undertake the role of taker, or a giver.

Takers are needy, seek attention, and approval. They're heavily reliant on others to feel content, and otherwise feel empty and unfulfilled. They are prone to outbursts of aggression. 

Meanwhile, a giver sacrifices themselves for others. For this, they're often in a caretaker role, overly busy, and need to be needed in order to feel like they matter. They pay more attention to their partner's feelings than their own.

Some signs of a codependent relationship:

• Manipulative Behaviour 

  • Creating justifications for unreasonable behaviour

• People Pleasing

  • Those that can’t say no, even though it interferes with their own wants and needs

• Lack of boundaries 

  • Those who have trouble respecting, and reinforcing boundaries

  • You'd do anything for your partner's approval

• Poor Communication

  • Either a party is unaware and/or unable to describe their own wants and needs, while a dependent person may communicate in a way of maintaining control

Ways to stop being codependent

Recognising and acknowledging that you’re in a codependent relationship is the first step to ending the cycle. 

Engaging a coach to help open the dialogue, aiming to create a relationship where each person can stand on their own two feet, through communication strategies, and setting and maintaining boundaries. 

Through effective communication, both sides of the relationship have to learn to convey their feelings and wants in a clear and honest way.

Ultimately, you cannot control the other party. The only thing you have the power to control, is you, and that starts with learning to love yourself.

Ready to break free from a codependent relationship?

If you or someone you love is struggling with codependency, I can help. 

Book a consultation today for a conversation in a safe space where you can explore any vulnerabilities, navigate negative emotions, and learn skills that will support you in your journey.