Are We Really Ready for Marriage? The Reality Behind Divorce for Women

When we think of marriage, it’s hard not to picture the “happily ever after” we’ve been sold in fairy tales, romantic comedies, and yes—even royal weddings. But as many of us come to find, the reality of marriage often looks very different from what Disney or Hollywood led us to believe. With nearly 56% of marriages in the UK ending in divorce, it’s worth asking: Are we truly prepared for marriage?

When "Happily Ever After" Isn’t So Simple

Marriage can seem like the ultimate symbol of love and commitment. However, as we’ve seen even in high-profile relationships—from the whirlwind marriages and divorces of celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Johnny Depp, to the famously rocky relationship of Princess Diana and Prince Charles—marriage is rarely the seamless, magical journey it’s made out to be. Diana herself revealed in interviews that she felt profoundly isolated within her marriage, a far cry from the fairytale image of her royal wedding day.

Marriage takes work, compromise, and a deep understanding of each other’s needs and expectations. Divorce lawyer James Sexton argues that many marital problems stem from unspoken assumptions and unrealistic expectations, often leading couples to feel disappointed or blindsided.

Its not uncommon for people to come in with a Disney-based vision of marriage, but that’s not what marriage is. The question becomes: if we had a clearer picture of marriage, would we approach it differently?

The Unexpected Challenges of Divorce

If marriage is harder than expected, divorce can be even more challenging. While it might seem like an escape from an unhappy relationship, divorce is a journey of its own, filled with unexpected hurdles. For many women, the end of a marriage doesn’t just mean legal paperwork; it’s a personal upheaval, a reassessment of one’s identity, and often, a financial and emotional rollercoaster.

Divorce isn’t just the ending of a relationship; it’s the ending of a chapter, a way of life. This can be especially true for women who may have invested years in the relationship, only to find themselves back at square one. Adjusting to a new life—sometimes as a single parent, managing finances independently, or re-entering the workforce—requires resilience and often, support from friends, family, and professionals. And while high-profile divorces of celebrities or royals are splashed across the tabloids, the less glamorous, day-to-day struggles of divorce rarely make the headlines.

Rediscovering Yourself After Divorce

One of the unexpected (and often unspoken) aspects of divorce is the opportunity for self-discovery. How often, while in a marriage, do we put our partner’s needs before our own, or lose sight of what genuinely brings us joy? Divorce may initially feel like a failure or a loss, but it also offers a chance to reconnect with your own needs, desires, and ambitions.

In fact, 86% of people who divorce eventually remarry within five years, according to Sexton, reflecting a common human desire for companionship. But before jumping into a new relationship, it’s essential to take time to heal, understand what went wrong, and what we truly want moving forward. 

Practical and Emotional Realities

Many people focus on the legal aspects of divorce, but it’s the emotional impact that can feel the heaviest. The end of a marriage often means confronting deep-seated emotions: grief, regret, anger, and sometimes guilt. This emotional journey can feel like a rollercoaster, echoing the stages of grief. Allowing yourself to feel these emotions without judgement is a crucial part of healing.

But divorce also has significant practical realities. Whether it’s learning to manage finances independently or navigating co-parenting, it’s essential to approach these changes with a sense of empowerment. For instance, Adele, who went through a public divorce in 2019, spoke candidly about the pressures of single motherhood and redefining her personal identity, showing that even celebrities face the complexities of post-divorce life.

So, What Should We Take Away?

If marriage isn’t the fairytale we were promised, perhaps divorce is not the tragedy it’s made out to be either. It’s a period of adjustment, growth, and, ultimately, self-discovery. Many women find that their post-divorce life brings them closer to their true selves, helping them to emerge with a new sense of purpose and self-confidence.

As we consider marriage, it’s worth asking the hard questions: What do I expect from this relationship? Am I ready to face the challenges that come with marriage? The answers may reveal more than we realise.

Does this resonate with you? Perhaps you need to speak to someone before walking down the aisle. Book a call with me today.