How the new no-fault divorce act can help to end coercive control

Trigger warning: 

This post includes media and discussion around topics such as domestic violence, harassment, and coercion. I acknowledge that this content may be difficult, and encourage you to care for your safety, mental health, and wellbeing. 

If you need immediate help links are available at the end of this blog post, or call 999 for emergency assistance.


Encompassing everything from allegations of infidelity, to using technology to monitor someone’s behaviour and location, controlling and coercive behaviour in relationships is extensive. 

Divorce laws in the UK, having remained relatively unaltered for 50 years, focused on grounds such as adultery or abandonment, and had little scope to empower victims of coercive control to leave for good. 

Until now. 

One significant change in the new Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act is the elimination of opposition to a divorce application. Abusers will no longer be able to withhold consent and trap a spouse in a marriage, meaning victims of coercive control will now be free to divorce their partner without fear of the abuser contesting the grounds for divorce.  

What Is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is a pattern of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. More simply, it’s when someone is made to feel controlled, dependent, isolated, or scared. 

Coercive control is a more subtle type of abusive behaviour, therefore it can go unnoticed by many for years. It can overtake almost every aspect of a victim’s life affecting their finances, contact with family and/or friends, monitoring their activities on social media, and physical movements by installing tracking apps on phones and doorbell cameras, and instilling a fear of violence in the victim. The toll of emotional abuse can be more difficult to assess. 

Let’s not be under any illusions about coercive control. It is damaging to victims, and it is a criminal offence in the UK.

Coercive Control in the Media

Coercive control has made it into mainstream media with streaming giant Netflix shining a light on this harmful behaviour. 

The four-part series Bad Vegan teaches us a lot about the depths of coercive relationships, and serves as a reminder of the very real warning signs. The series tells the true story of New York restaurateur Sarma Melngailis, and her convicted con man husband, Anthony Strangis.  

The documentary explores their relationship, uncovers deceitful and controlling behaviour some of which required her to send large amounts of money to him.

A similar tangent of coercive control is shown in Netflix’s ten-part hit series Maid, launched in October 2021. Maid tells the story of Alex, a young mother who escapes a volatile, abusive partner. 

Many abuse victims can identify similarities between themselves and the women in these series.

Melngailis who took millions from her own business and personal funds to fund her husband’s gambling addiction; meanwhile in Maid, Alex wrestles with social services, unable to access affordable housing without a job, and unable to get a job without daycare for her daughter. She can’t afford daycare, without a job. And so the cycle continues. 

While physical abuse can leave visible evidence of scars and bruises, many victims also don’t recognise the signs of coercive control, believing abuse is purely physical. A trait exhibited by both Melngailis and Alex. 

How Can No-Fault Divorce Help Victims of Coercive Control

To put it simply, under the new Act, it will no longer be possible to contest a divorce.

Under the previous process, the Divorce Reform Act introduced in 1969, the person who starts divorce proceedings (the petitioner) was required to show that the marriage has broken down irretrievably from one of five scenarios. Citing their spouse's unreasonable behaviour, or a period of separation, as the reason for the divorce. 

Domestic abuse, including coercive control, is clear evidence of unreasonable behaviour and could certainly form the basis for a divorce under the old system. However, proving this unreasonable behaviour in court was a hurdle many victims simply could not face. The petitioner was required to provide details of several significant incidents to demonstrate the spouse's abusive and unreasonable behaviour to the court.

For victims of coercive control, the ability for the other partner to contest the reason for the divorce, and the additional time given by the court to submit their response, some cases allowed domestic abusers to exercise further coercive control over their victim.

But not anymore. 

Under the new Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Bill, the option to contest has been removed, and thereby providing victims of coercive control the freedom to divorce should they so wish. 

Making a Start Is Often the Most Difficult Part of a Journey

When you’re ready to take a step towards freedom from a controlling spouse, you will need a team by your side to help you through the stages. 

If assets, or children are involved then a lawyer or a mediator to deal with the facts regarding the financial settlement, will be required.

A coach, such as myself, can work with you in the present situation and get you moving forward to a brighter freeing future.

No one likes to feel stuck in a marriage. If we fail to make plans and have goals to leave, then time spent going over the current situation will inevitably be prolonged. 

Resources & Support

If you or someone you know is in a coercive relationship, numerous charities in the UK have resources, action plans, and information to help. 

Janette Brooker