The 9 Honest Reasons People Actually Get Divorced
If you’ve gotten this far then you may be contemplating a separation or divorce. Positive outcomes and personal growth can come from divorce, but it’s hard. Navigating this space is easier with the capable and supportive coach like me by your side.
For the record, I’ve been where you are right now. I understand what it feels like entering into the separation or divorce process, and I, along with my many clients, have also come out the other side, and so will you.
Married for The Wrong Reasons
While it is hard to admit, many people get married because it is something that they feel they have to, or should do.
The social convention to marry puts undue pressure on many, when for some, the seeds of doubt, or the issues that led them to file for divorce, are present long before they walk down the aisle.
Another factor is money. In the UK, weddings are a £3.3bn a year industry.
The couple is so heavily financially invested, and often reliant on gifted money from parents. They simply can’t face the sunk costs, so they proceed regardless of doubts.
Parenting Took Over
Following a wedding, the single life, along with the friends they kept, slowly start to subside. For the majority, children soon follow. These new parents become so focused on dealing with their collective duties as parents; they forget the reasons they fell in love in the first place.
Once the children are no longer dependent on their parents, it doesn’t take long for the realisation that they are no longer compatible to set in.
Passion and Desire Vanished
Intimacy is key to any successful relationship.
It's entirely normal for the intimacy dynamics to shift as a relationship matures and stabilises.
However, a notable alteration, if left unaddressed, can lead to both partners feeling unloved, undesired, and undesirable. Typically, women seek a level of romance in their lives, while men desire sexual receptivity. When the needs of both individuals in these aspects are met, there's a readiness to fulfil each other's desires. Yet, when a couple becomes irreparably estranged in the realm of intimacy, it can profoundly impact the marriage.
Money Matters
When you and your partner navigate the realms of finance in contrasting styles, it can spark tension, irrespective of status, or financial abundance.
In the complex world of financial dynamics, opposites might indeed attract, but their collision can wield substantial consequences. Picture one party embracing the thrill of the present, while the other diligently maps out the future—this dichotomy often becomes the very crack that irreversibly fractures a relationship.
It's precisely this clash of fiscal approaches that elevates money matters to a prominent position on the list of divorce catalysts.
Sharing Interests & Hobbies Disappeared
You and your partner have drifted apart in terms of shared interests.
While maintaining individual hobbies and passions is crucial, a level of compatibility is essential within a relationship.
If you find that your preferences and activities no longer align with your partner's and there's a struggle to discover common ground, this mismatch can lead to persistent issues.
Even seemingly trivial decisions like choosing a TV show to watch or planning a holiday can escalate into conflicts, detracting joy from meaningful experiences.
Respect Required
If respect has dwindled within the relationship, it’s an undeniable red flag as this is a key pillar of any successful partnership.
When mutual respect fades, routine decisions transform into major struggles. Arguments erupt over seemingly insignificant matters, magnifying the strain.
Establishing essential ground rules, listening to one another, and upholding mutual respect are foundational.
However, when respect dissipates, many couples ponder the possibility of separation or divorce. If this resonates with you, book a call with me today.
Who Am I?
Maintaining a sense of self and individuality outside the relationship is vital for a healthy balance.
While adapting habits and routines to accommodate a partner is expected, reaching a point where one person consistently takes precedence can erode a sense of identity.
Whether driven by a fear of backlash or a desire to constantly please, this imbalance results in one partner realising their loss of identity.
Post-divorce, seeking guidance from divorce professionals helps individuals rediscover themselves, uncovering their unique preferences in music, movies, food, and more, which may have been overshadowed during their marriage, in an attempt to accommodate their partner's preferences.
Infidelity, Adultery, Unfaithfulness
Most people would be led to believe that infidelity is going to feature highly on this list. It’s more often the case that cheating arises when a relationship deteriorates due to issues like poor communication, lack of respect, or dwindling intimacy. Only then does infidelity become a devastating outcome.
While some individuals attempt to salvage the relationship after experiencing cheating, there are others for whom this betrayal becomes an insurmountable obstacle. While it may not rank as the primary cause of divorce, infidelity undoubtedly stands as one of the most impactful factors.
Abuse
As we are acutely aware, abuse comes in various forms, physical, mental, and more subtle types of abusive behaviour like coercive control.
These can manifest in a multitude of ways, and individuals can suffer for brief or extended periods.
Irrespective of the form abuse takes within a marriage, once an individual gathers the courage to seek support or make a stand, the marriage typically reaches an irreversible juncture.
A significant change in the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act is that victims are no longer forced to remain in a marriage, as abusers can not oppose a divorce application. This change leaves victims free to file without fear of the abuser contesting the grounds for divorce.
Conclusion
As discussed above, there isn't a definitive right or wrong cause for pursuing a divorce.
Ultimately, when you opt for a separation or divorce, you require assistance, the reassurance of reclaiming some control over your life, and answers. I’m here to help, book a call with me today and we’ll have you sailing through your divorce.